As a student and certified teacher of Yoga, self-study is paramount in my practice.  In the course of my certification, I had to reflect and write about Ahimsa, “non-harming.”  Ahimsa is the first Yama in Patanjali’s Yoga Surtras.  I don’t remember exactly what I wrote, but as I sit here with my January/February issue of Yoga Journal, I get another chance to reflect on Ahimsa, and how this practice of “non-harming” can help step moms everywhere.

Ahimsa

In yoga philosophy, ahimsa is “the opportunity to relinquish hostility and irritability, and instead make space within your consciousness for peace.”  (Yoga Journal, February 2009, page 79)

Many step moms view their husband’s ex-wife as their enemy or adversary.  Someone who must be fought against, thought ill of, or is seen as the villian and a constant intruder.  Let’s face it, if your husband had kids with his ex-wife, she most likely has access to him in no way another woman ever should…but she does.  

As a step mom myself, I had many negative thoughts about my husband’s ex-wife.  And due to my husband’s good nature, any time she asked him for something, I felt territorial and protective of him because I thought his ex-wife was manipulating him.  I was angry with his ex-wife because I thought she stepped out of being a mom to her youngest son, who lives with me and my husband (my husband has 100% physical custody of his son).  After a series of stressful events with my stepson, I was oozing hostility.  And not just towards my husband’s ex-wife, but at my husband and my stepson.  I was angry with all of them.

Anger is One Letter Short of Danger

My hostile and angry thoughts weren’t harming them…they were harming me.  Ahimsa is not just about practicing non-violence to others but it is also about not harming ourselves.  My own angry, negative thoughts were harming no one but my Self.  

After reading Cathryn Bond-Doyle’s article, “Hostility is Not FINE!”  I realized just how hostile I was being and how that hostility was affecting my relationship with my husband, his ex-wife, and my step son.  I pressed my internal Pause button, stepped back from my negative thoughts and just observed them.  For every negative thought I was harboring I asked myself, “Is that true?”  What I found was that I attached myself to the negativity…I believed in each hostile thought I had towards my husband’s ex-wife and quite frankly, not one of the thoughts were true.  

 Kick Hostility and Anger to the Curb

Just like forgiveness has very little to do with who is being forgiven, letting go of your negative thoughts has very little benefit towards the person you harbor hostility towards.  It does, however, benefit you a great deal.  According to Sharon Gannon, the co-creator of Jivamukti Yoga, “when you start to understand how karma works, you realize that how you treat (or how you think about) others determines how much suffering you experience.” (Yoga Journal, February 2009, page 80)

My own personal experience with this was nothing short of creating my own small miracle.  I challenged each negative thought, I asked myself “is that true?” and watched each negative thought I had towards my husband, his ex-wife, and my step son evaporate.  I felt as if the weight of a thousand moons lifted off my shoulders.  Peace invaded the space that once housed my hostility.  I felt lighter, happier, calmer, and more in tune with the hum of the Universe.  

If you are reading this…I challenge you to hold up each negative thought you have about your husband, his ex-wife, and your step children.  Of each thought, ask yourself, “is this true?”  I challenge you to let go of your negative thoughts and create an ever-lasting inner peace.

Nameste

The Bonus Mom
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